Having a healthy relationship faster by avoiding the waiting trap

(Photo by Vlada Karpovich)

A woman who is emotionally available for a healthy loving relationship feels a consistent feeling of richness and satiation when it comes to her connections, needs, experiences, and plans. She moves freely towards what fills her heart with joy and excitement.

One thing women for whom a supportive loving relationship feels elusive have in common is a feeling of urgency when it comes to love but at the same time fear that they are at the mercy of faith or a man who is one day going to choose them.

Without realizing it, they are living out a coping mechanism of waiting for love to come to them (for someone else to choose them). They often fantasize about the moment of being fully chosen, special, and accepted as they are and only then they will finally be able to rest, exhale, and let go of the tension around the desire to have a loving relationship.

The difference between the feeling of satiation and the feeling of waiting is that satiation happens naturally when we feel close to our feminine heart and we have learned to constantly and consistently meet and protect our needs and prioritize the way we feel in our body.

Waiting is a stress response created by an environment where we lacked emotional connection and our needs and wants have been neglected. Unaddressed, it still lives in our body and results in thoughts like I don´t matter, my needs don´t matter, I can´t have what I want.

Stress responses become a felt experience of fear and scarcity in our body and they start feeling like the ultimate truth. We can´t imagine a relationship where our needs and wants are honored, cherished, and treated with respect and tenderness. Especially if we haven´t experienced a healthy state of satiation and emotional connection.

The emotional state of waiting for love is visible in a woman´s life in a couple of ways:

  • believing that she can have love/be chosen only if she meets certain conditions (if she looks perfect, or has a perfect body, if she lives in the “right” city or has the “right” job)
  • she is willing to wait for (or is in a fantasy relationship with) an unavailable man – a man who is not in a stage of life where he is open to a committed relationship, a man who is not actively pursuing her and planning
  • she feels like she is always doing the work in most of her relationships or she is with a man who is not her equal (for most women this is a deeply ingrained pattern when love didn´t come easily in the past and they learned that they need to “close the gap” and earn attention/love/affection/support)

The patterns of “waiting & chasing” go hand in hand. A woman is putting in extra effort for (chasing) love that doesn´t come easily to her and it feels like she will never get there.

It´s the feeling of chasing the dangling carrot that leaves her in a waiting state for years.

When we start restoring the feeling of connection to her body and with her own warm, nurturing, and loving feminine heart through gentle somatic work and coaching, she is able to gradually but steadily transition from a state where she never feels like she is enough for love to a healthy state where she feels satiated and embraced by love.

She breaks the chains tying her to a legacy of being enslaved in love and never feeling full instead of cultivating loving care towards her own heart and living from a state of being the beloved and the first choice.

Once she learns to access her own warmth, she is free from fantasizing about someone else (often a man) accepting her.

She doesn´t have to wait for a moment in the future when she will be loved, cherished, and fully accepted. She is living in that experience right now and it helps her to determine an emotionally available partner.

If she hasn´t done the work of restoring her relationship to love from chasing to feeling satiated and connected, she will, oftentimes subconsciously, seduce men by trying to be her “best” (most perfect self) and then with time:
– she feels very isolated in the relationship and like the man is not doing enough for her, she will swing from nagging and manipulating to “perfecting” herself
– she will become reactive and have moments where the unprocessed pain, sadness, and anger are going to come up and (again subconsciously) she is hoping her partner will take them away from her by validating her and accepting her fully (her inner child seeking maternal love), but as long as she doesn´t know how to process and own them, he will perceive it as drama and heaviness

That is why we first establish a daily practice for her where she learns healthy ways of relating to those overwhelming emotions. She learns to tend to them before they lead her down the road of reactivity or waiting.

She learns to approach her feminine needs with tender care and loving acceptance and once the devotion to her needs becomes embodied (felt in her body as a priority) she moves to a state where she is no longer willing to sacrifice her heart´s desires, effort, and time for a fantasy of love that is not present.

As she becomes practiced in connecting to her body she can tell right away whether she feels supported in a connection (with a man, friends, career,..). She chooses to move away from the dangling carrots and move towards connections that offer her real substance and nourishment for her soul.

When a woman learns to connect with her heart and soul and is offered time and space to process events that impacted her feeling world and heart, she naturally starts to experience a feeling of satiation and inner fullness where she can feel her own warmth and acceptance.

The need to chase attention and love that are not available to her in the moment dissipates and instead, she learns to build real and intimate connections.

She no longer feels isolated and she starts being available to create healthy options for herself (whether it comes to men or her career).

She starts feeling her own love and presence (we work and restore to life the part of her that was still waiting for love and waiting to be chosen) and she develops a feeling of safety in her own body.

She starts feeling like wherever she goes she gets to be supported and taken care of – she understands the feeling of being embraced.

Her new way of being filters out potential partners who are not a good match and who don´t have the capacity to support her and give to her (intellectual, emotional or physical resources).

With a solid emotionally available man you always feel like you are getting the real deal instead of the castles in the sky. You feel supported by him in the moment, he closes the gap and doesn´t let you overwork.

Cultivating the feeling of being embraced allows you to recognize an empowered partner when you meet him and to communicate your needs and inner world in a way that brings him closer and creates intimacy.

I have an amazing 10-week private program for emphatic ambitious women who want to learn the art of healthy relationships in an intimate and more intensive one-on-one setting. You can apply by filling out the application form HERE.

If a lower investment self-study program is a better fit, check out my membership portal The Sanctuary of a Feminine Woman with a library full of resources on feminine arts and healthy relationships.

A Miracle Workbook

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