The most important question I tend to receive from women is – how do I create solid and sustainable results in love and career while living from and preserving my feminine essence, wonder, and openness?
What they´ve been usually taught is that they need to try harder and work on themselves more and that love and business are a numbers game (How does this approach feel in your body and soul?).
When this advice doesn´t seem to work or it leads them to burnout and exhaustion there is a tendency to let the pendulum swing to the extreme opposite spectrum and they feel inclined to listen to more ungrounded spiritual advice >>> everything happens for a reason, just let go and the right man will come to you, life is a mirror, and so on.
Clients who have already explored both sides of the pendulum are coming to me more disempowered than they were before the self-development and spiritual fantasy world found them.
The real question is – How do we start creating solid sustainable results while staying off the pendulum that is swinging from self-punishment (unintegrated predominantly masculine self-development) to waiting in a fantasy land (ungrounded predominantly feminine spirituality)?
❤ If you want to hear me talk about these two paradigms more in detail check out my Queendom program.
A woman who tends to gravitate towards the fantasy world and ungrounded spirituality:
– gives up and throws a temper tantrum when she hasn´t received the results she wanted (in love or career) within a week – she engages in a stop-and-go pattern repeatedly
– she loves the idea of attraction and resists taking action or creating opportunities for herself
– she is coming from a place of entitlement, immaturity, and codependency and resists the process (Why hasn´t God delivered my man/successful career like yesterday?) and when it comes to men she expects perfection or else she will avoid, look down at him and punish him by turning into an ice queen
– she uses spiritual jargon to overlook red flags (He is my twin flame that´s why we feel the push-and-pull dynamic between us. He is a Sagittarius, that´s a sign from the universe that he is my husband!) and she relies on psychics to predict he love life
– she has a hot & cold relationship with her career/business as well – she goes all in just to avoid her responsibilities to her career altogether in a couple of weeks/months
– she has a codependent relationship with God, men, and life itself and if things are not working out immediately, she believes that there is something wrong with her energy and she is obsessively trying to manage her emotions and predict the needs of others to create a perfect persona in relationships
A woman who tends to gravitate towards the self-development:
– often finds herself bulldozing parts of her heart and her feminine desires (the thought of having the love she truly desires makes her heart swell with pain and she has a hard time believing that it is truly possible for her)
– she feels tempted to help a man (help him ask her out, help him make a plan) and “do” for a man (parenting him) and sometimes I see her carry this dynamic into her business where she is parenting her clients instead of guiding them
– she tends to exude “buddy” energy around the empowered men or the man she really likes because she is afraid of losing control and accepts breadcrumbs from men who are not at her level
– she struggles with perfectionism and is afraid that if she doesn´t follow the rules (whether in business/career or in dating) she won´t have the life and love she so deeply craves
– she sees her relationship with God as a relationship with a punitive parent who tests her and lets her jump through the hoops and whose love feels elusive
My teachings and work are based on and grounded in a belief that your heart is already perfect and your feminine heart and essence don´t need to be improved or changed. They just need to be resurrected with a lot of compassion and the understanding that they are special and that they matter. That their impact in this world and in your relationships matters. And moreover, that they are seen and that they matter to God and to the man who is the right match for you.
When we learn to stay with and understand the painful emotions that kept our heart in hiding and longing, we come to know this as the truth of our heart, and we stop needing to improve our womanhood. We can finally step out of the fantasy that prevents us from engaging with the real world that is happening around us and we find rest from the incessant self-development.
In my world we live in the grounded and integrated paradigm that gives women the opportunity to grow up into a self-responsible queen of hearts:
– they heal their relationship with God/life and they come to understand that even though they are his deeply loved and cherished daughters they have their human responsibilities and free will to choose or refuse actions that support their health and well-being and the health of their relationships
– they integrate the belief that they are already seen and accepted in the full spectrum of their human emotions and they don´t have to change them or manipulate them to appease God or appease their partner
– they learn to stay rooted in the truth when it comes to relationships, they learn to respect men and take them at face value (the mindset of – Show me who you are and I will know if you are good for my heart!) and appreciate their masculine souls and purpose
– they learn to let the fantasy of perfection go and they gradually heal the push-and-pull dynamic with their career/biz and in their love life
– they learn to fall in love with the process while staying excited for what God/life has in store for them and they learn to give themselves options that make their heart happy
When we learn to find our way back home to our feminine heart and soul we don´t need to chase achievements, overcome parts of ourselves or work ourselves to the bone for love and appreciation. Instead, we learn to create opportunities that feel nourishing and supportive and open doors that feel exciting.
This is the part of the journey where integration, sobering, and maturing happen and we learn to integrate the human and spiritual, mind and heart, our desires and their execution.
We are now standing on our own two feet while knowing that we are always held and loved by God and we have a beautiful relationship with his love that is beyond our understanding.
This is a deeply intimate and unique journey for each and every one of us. I invite you on this journey in my lower-investment membership portal The Sanctuary of a Feminine Woman and in my higher-investment individual programs.
This week in The Sanctuary we are going to chat about the difference between healthy needs (healthy feminine needs) and neediness and why being in touch with our needs allows us to create solid and sustainable results in every area of our life, especially in love.
The majority of women I have worked with feel or felt at some point in their life like a burden. Instead of having a healthy dynamic with life itself and others, they have developed a belief that they are supposed to take care of and mother/parent other people.
When we feel this way it´s very hard to start asking ourselves – What do I actually need to feel safe, taken care of, and connected to others?
Our feminine needs are so precious and important. If the world and our upbringing have let us down time and time again, our body learned to shut down its needs to survive. And the survival state is when we see life through the lens of scarcity and we stop believing that we can give ourselves options and opportunities. We start waiting in life and waiting for love.
But oftentimes the hard and deep inner work lies in connecting with our body and needs again and again until we can individuate our sense of Self from others and from what we can “do” for them (I call it performing and we are covering it in The Sanctuary as well).
We then learn to establish an invincible thread between our heart, body, and awareness that lets us know what is truly going on in our inner and outer world. You become able to separate men who are stunt in their growth and self-responsibility from those who are the right match for you faster. You start allowing yourself to see opportunities in love and your career that are supporting you and your unique feminine genius. You start feeling your body again and feeling your Self and heart in your body, which returns sensuality, wonder, and curiosity to your life, career, and relationships.
The beauty of the work we do in The Sanctuary and my individual programs is that it supports your body and gradually gives you a sense of how it feels to step outside of survival and into wholeness.
If you are interested in one-on-one support and one of my more intensive individual programs, you can fill out the application form and if we are a good fit, I will reach out to you.