(Photo by GREG KANTRA on Unsplash)
In my experience, the thing that keeps amazing women from being in a fulfilling relationship and creating a career that is supporting them and letting their feminine genius shine is not a secret missing key, not a lack of self-awareness or the fact that they are not doing enough of the ”inner work”.
Before they find me, the majority of my clients have actually done A LOT of inner work, they have often worked with a therapist, they have done the introspection, self-analysis, reading all the self-help books, doing the programs, etc. This is what often happens when you can´t figure out an area of your life and you are convinced that there has to be something wrong with you. Why can´t I get it right? What do others know that I don´t? What´s wrong with me?
In fact, using the inner work as a means to an end is just another way in which women try to fulfill the secret expectations that they have for themselves. The expectations are that one day, once they have done enough “work on themselves” they will be perfect, they will have the perfect body, perfect life, and then they can finally have the perfect relationships and career.
Because the area of relationships already felt like hard work to them, for many of my clients it also felt “intuitive” to do more work.
And because a lot of self-development modalities and advice is geared more towards our logical and analytical (more masculine) side, they can indeed start feeling like a lot of “work” (after the initial high of “maybe this will finally work for me” wears off). Micromanaging your feelings and thoughts is not only tiring but also unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. You are already overworking yourself and you don´t need anyone to pile up more invisible labor in front of you.
So what is most often preventing a woman from having an amazing relationship and setting up her life in a way that is supporting her? It is a lack of understanding of what is healthy and what is not when it comes to relationships and our conditioning around them, self-trust, and confidence (in her own radiance, instincts, desires, and in what she is bringing to her relationships and to her clients/employer).
I will give you a couple of golden examples I see women repeating over and over again while hoping that they will get them the results they desire:
– using effort and hustle when her instincts are alerting her that a man is not stepping up: she starts coming up with a plan, questions, and suggestions = overworking herself instead of observing what he is really capable of
– mothering a man by using passive-aggressive comments that allow her to release the pent-up resentment: “You are probably too pre-occupied with XYZ, we should talk about it when you are in a place where you are finally ready to XYZ.”, “I thought that you would XYZ, but I see that I should have taken XYZ into consideration” or hinting what she wants (beating around the bush) and using feminine communication scripts to “help” a man make a decision (let´s call this what it really is – straight-up manipulation). But ultimately seeing the masculine as an enemy who doesn´t want to support her.
– in her professional life she is often getting qualification after qualification but she never feels confident enough to pursue what she really wants or she takes on more work and never gets a promotion or a pay raise
– using the law of attraction tools to get into the right vibe and then beating herself up when she can´t “maintain it” all day long and making feeling bad mean that there is another thing to heal or overcome
– pining after a man she met three weeks ago and letting his (lack of) responsiveness determine how her day goes, how she feels about herself, and how she feels about what is possible for her in the area of relationships and what type of partner she wants
When a woman asks: How do I say/communicate XYZ to him? >>> This is rarely the question she needs to be asking herself.
Am I fully owning and standing behind what I want/desire? >>> is the question that starts moving the needle in the right direction.
The thing with inner work is that you can be “doing it” for years, but are you doing the work that truly moves you, your relationships, and life forward in a healthy grounded way?
What I don´t see many coaches and healers talk about is the conditioning that we as women receive while growing up and which turns the inner work into a means to an end and it keeps women spinning in circles.
My clients are creating amazing results all the time, but we also never use the “inner work” as a means to an end, because I am very aware of the conditioning and how it makes women use even things like healing modalities as measuring sticks with which they can beat themselves up.
What we do is that I teach them how to create a feeling of inner safety, security, and wholeness and show them the value of their femininity. This helps them to free up any energy they have been using on self-judgment and self-criticism and they can then use it to get in touch with their body´s wisdom and their instincts which are always guiding them to the next best step, partner, or decision.
Being connected to your needs, wants, and desires (healthy feminine) and having clarity around what is non-negotiable for you (healthy masculine) makes all the difference. You are free to let go of all the scripts and strategies and you can trust that you will know when something is your trigger and you don´t want to act out on it and when something is an instinct conveying a message to your awareness. This makes your communication crystal clear and your relationships extremely fulfilling. When you know what you want and can communicate it clearly, it makes an empowered man feel like he can support you and add to your happiness, which in turn fulfills one of his needs and deep desires.
An empowered man (the same applies to your clients/employers) can´t see your feminine radiance shine when you are doubting yourself, looking for ways in which you need to change to “attract” him, or when you are wishy-washy around what it is that you really desire and need in the relationship. For an empowered man, this subconsciously registers as immaturity, drama, and volatility.
It is a combination of radical self-acceptance and self-trust that makes your feminine radiance shine and that makes you attractive to the right partner and clients/employer. When I had just started working with women, and even though we focused primarily on the health of their relationships, they kept receiving promotions and pay raises (or clients if they were biz owners) seemingly out of nowhere. This kept repeating itself until it became a predictable pattern and I now have at least a couple of clients every month who uplevel their career altogether which is a bonus to having fulfilling relationships. It is a byproduct of them owning their feminine genius in all areas of their life.
When you start leading with your feminine genius, instead of thinking about what/who you need to change, fix, influence (read manipulate and control) or what is the right communication style… your life becomes about >>> What do I want to experience? Is this (relationship, career) working for me? Is my life supporting me? Am I excited about my schedule? Am I eager to wake up and engage with life? That´s when life starts to feel really good and you can let go of all the “extra” work and the belief that you need to deserve what you desire. You learn to give yourself opportunities instead of creating obstacles that are not there in the first place.
For emphatic, ambitious women who have done a lot of inner work and who now desire to step beyond healing and start creating relationships and career that feels amazing, I created a two-and-a-half-month-long one-on-one program Worthy & Whole. Over the course of ten 60-75 minute sessions (and additional individualized homework) we:
- Set your instincts free, train your body to recognize how a healthy relationship feels and help you let go of any unhealthy attachments and dynamics that are draining your energy (this discernment takes your career to a whole new level as well and dissolves all the self-doubt)
- Work with your inner best husband so that you have the most empowered gatekeeper to your feminine light and feminine genius which turns you from a fixer-upper to a beautiful castle and helps you to structure your life in a way that is actually supporting YOU.
- Create a mind-body connection that feels safe, supportive, and extremely nourishing and making it a bottom line in all your endeavors. This is a whole paradigm shift that opens you up to new opportunities and helps you to leave the belief that “you deserve only things that you worked hard for” behind, forever.
- Make it comfortable for you to lead with your feminine genius and let go of unnecessary defenses that dim your radiance. You will learn to lean into your intuition (feminine instinct) and trust yourself.
- Help you discern what is healthy and what is not when it comes to polarity and relationships and help you become comfortable with using your own integrated empowered energies to support yourself and to let others (including men) who are equally empowered to support you as well.
My one-on-one program is a low four-figure investment, but small in comparison to the clarity, fulfilling relationships, self-confidence, and peace of mind that you will walk away with.
If you are interested and would like to sign up fill out the application form and we will see if it is a fit.