(Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash)
It´s beliefs like ‘I need to work hard for what I want/I need to work hard on myself’, ‘Life is hard’ and ‘I need to give before I can receive’ that prevent an empowered woman from recognizing and feeling attracted to an empowered man even if he was standing right in front of her.
Because she is so empowered and she knows how to get things done (often she simply had to from a young age) she sees helping others, coming up with solutions and plans, and being the one who is in control as innocent and something that comes so easily to her.
Every other day I will have a client praising themselves for being flexible, easy-going, and capable. Until we dive deeper and she starts seeing where all of these qualities are coming from and how they are actually creating the opposite of what she really wants to experience in her relationships which also impacts her career/biz.
Being flexible is not a bad quality in and of itself but combined with the belief that “I need to work hard on myself” and then the hundreds of spiritual, dating, religious, and self-help advice teaching women how to suppress their innate instincts because they are “negative”, “ungodly” or not feminine enough and the result is a woman who is chasing a man that makes it just hard enough for her so she can “earn” the outcome – fight for the relationship while using all the “right” strategies.
And if that is still not enough she can always do past life regressions, divine feminine attunements, five-day masterclasses, and psycho-analysis to find out what is wrong with her and why she can´t raise her vibe high enough to “manifest” the right man (I am not saying that some of these modalities can´t be beneficial, but in my experience they keep women stuck in a cycle of self-improvement for unnecessarily long periods of time…).
The thing is, as women, the majority of us are more open and susceptible to outside influence because our feminine essence and subconscious are naturally more sensitive to emotions, relationship dynamics, and the needs of others.
This tendency to be more introspective (in combination with being extremely intelligent which all of my clients are) leads to two outcomes:
The first one is that we allow others (it starts unconsciously during our upbringing) to “train” our instincts. I call it the good girl conditioning. Because you are so smart, sensitive, and capable, it is easy for you to assess what others need and to become flexible and accommodate their needs to get the outcome you want (more connection – however conditional, less criticism, more praise, or more of anything else you perceived as a reward).
The second is that once you grow up into an empowered woman and you suddenly can´t create/get what you want – for my clients it is usually a healthy relationship – your instinct is already well trained and prepared to do more introspection. And all the self-help industry is already waiting for you with the seemingly innocent advice – Let´s find out what is wrong with you so you can fix yourself.
The biggest trap for this type of woman (other than self-help) is the disempowered man. He can fall under many categories such as conscious man, peter pan man, feminine man, but the point is that he gives you just enough hope so that you can keep chasing him (remember the belief “I need to work hard for what I want”) but never enough to make you feel safe and supported.
So how do you break this spell without needing to find out in which of your past lives it started? 🙂
If you are a highly aware sensitive woman your first instinct when something is not unfolding according to your plan or/and when your nervous system receives a shock from your environment (break-up, non-committal men, assault,…) is to turn in on yourself and start questioning yourself.
Notice how this feeling throws you into a dark cave where you feel like something is wrong with you and at the same time all the responsibility of figuring out what it is (the missing key, the hidden block, etc.) rests on your shoulders. This feeling of hopelessness is exactly what prevents you from stepping into your empowered emotional and mental state.
Instead of turning in on yourself, we need to engage your best inner husband (who is the guardian of your light) and let him support you and create internal and external environments that feel safe, nourishing, and that release the tension caused by external disempowered factors (usually other people or events) where your nervous system can come back to neutral without dipping down into hopelessness or fixing mode.
Imagine having a personal bodyguard who is at all times responsible for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. You don´t have to have a single worry in the world, because he is going to take care of them all and resolve them in a way that leaves you feeling light, supported, and taken care of.
This is exactly how it feels when your feminine light and genius is integrated with your best inner husband and protector.
In fact, feeling held, supported, and cherished (all the feelings that you naturally feel when you are with an empowered partner) feel usually so elusive to my clients before we start working together that we need to establish a mind-body connection first which allows for these feelings to integrate into their psyche. This is also a reason why many of my clients didn´t at first feel attracted to a healthy empowered men – the feeling of stability and consistency seemed “boring” while the high they received from “chasing” felt exhilarating.
This is what I do with highly sensitive empowered women who desire to create healthy relationships in life and their career/biz in my one-on-one program.
We work together for ten weeks and over the course of ten sessions (and additional individualized homework) we go over:
- Setting your instincts free and learning to recognize how it FEELS in your body to be in the presence of flaky partner vs. empowered partner (this discernment takes your career to a whole new level as well and dissolves all the self-doubt)
- Waking up the sleeping lion – aka your inner best husband so that you have the most empowered gatekeeper to your feminine light and feminine genius which turns you from a fixer-upper to a beautiful castle. Once your eyes are opened to what is healthy and what is not, you are able to keep people and dynamics that are no longer a match (less empowered) at the door (hello learning to preserve your energy on things that actually matter to you!)
- Creating a mind-body connection that feels safe, supportive, and extremely nourishing and making it a bottom line in all your endeavors. This is a whole paradigm shift that opens you up to new opportunities and helps you to leave the belief that “you deserve only things that you worked hard for” and overworking yourself for connection behind, forever.
- Leading with your feminine genius and letting go of unnecessary defenses that dim your radiance. Leaning into your intuition (feminine instinct) and learning to trust yourself.
- Discerning what is healthy and what is not when it comes to polarity and relationships and starting being comfortable with using your own integrated empowered energies to support yourself and to let others (including a partner) who are equally empowered to support you as well.
These steps work together to help you create the best results fast. One of the clients who has just finished the program started dating an empowered man within two months of us starting to work together and another one transitioned from dreaming about engagement to actually getting engaged to her partner within three months of us working together.
That being said, a woman who gets the best results has already done some inner work, is empathic, ambitious, self-led, and eager to go beyond healing and self-analyzing to integrating the information and practices that we learn together.
My one-on-one program is a low four-figure investment and if it sounds like a fit you can apply here.
I am truly blessed to have found this at this stage in my life