(Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash)

The title of my Becoming a Queen program is based on two archetypes that are present in our collective feminine psyche – the wounded little girl and the inner queen.

It is based on the journey that every woman has to undertake to step into her personal power.

Today, I want to share with you three patterns that keep us forever lost in the shadowlands of pain and suffering where the wounded little girl lives and rules alone because she simply does not know better. She doesn´t have the support it takes to become a queen.  

We will embark on a journey of building your kingdom based on the desires that God/Source has put on your heart.

1st Pattern: People-pleasing >>> leads to performing and self-abandonment

What is the best for you is the best for everyone else who is in your life.

How much love and connection to your heart you are allowing yourself to feel translates into how deeply and meaningfully you are able to meet others without subscribing to their wounding and emotional codependency.

When we become Self (heart)- sourced we can see others as equally empowered as we are. They can deal with their own lives and with the changes that are happening in our life. People-pleasing (cuddling other people´s feelings/expectations at our own expense) leads to codependency and disempowerment and it keeps us stuck in “performing”. This in turn leads to self-abandonment and it keeps our wounded little girl (inner child) alone, unsupported, and exhausted from all the expectations that she has to fulfill.

When we “perform” for others we leave our heart (the source of our feminine radiance) by saying “you are more important to me than who God/Source created me to be” – we go against our original design (being God (heart)-sourced first and we place our happiness and fulfillment into hands of another human being (often with their own wounding) which is a heavy burden for them to carry and a very unstable place to source our well-being from.

This doesn´t mean that you won´t have fulfilling or interdependent relationships where your needs are being met. It only means that you don´t place a single relationship (whether it is a romantic one or with a family member) above every other relationship and above your connection to your heart – your source of peace, joy, and love.

2nd Pattern: Putting others on a pedestal >>> fuels the inner child fantasy

Women with codependent tendencies tend to see others as the ones who know more and they tend to give them authority over their own lives. Or we see others as more charming than us, fun, full of light, and confident and it is usually because we are suppressing the parts of ourselves who want to be free in their expression and radiance. If it feels like a certain person “brings you to life/makes you feel more alive” it is often the inner child who has put this person in a savior role and now uses him to play a part in its fantasy of being saved and brought to life (we do this esp. with men and the masculine – the knight in the shining armor).

But it is your inner masculine that is awaiting your resurrection.

3rd Pattern: Never-ending search and  “getting there“ >>> striving for perfection

If the inner work feels like an obligation we are doing it for the wrong reasons or we are using a method that simply doesn´t work for us. Perfectionism has no place in the realm of inner work. Perfectionism in and of itself is just another coping mechanism. It is our broken heart that now thinks that if we can just become perfect then we won´t be denied the love it so deeply craves.

Instead of loving her and building her up, the wounded little girl crumbles under the expectation of perfection and “getting it right”.

Life is a never-ending expansion, there will be always a new level of awareness that is available to you, but instead of seeing it as a duty or something you need to get right, I prefer to see it as a gift – life and love finding it´s expression through you and your unique lens and Soul.

The Queen has learned to carry the little girl in her heart. She knows that her little wounded girl holds the keys to the life and love she desires. She´s connected to her, she loves her and reparents her, but she doesn´t let her rule her kingdom.