(Photo by Tamara Bellis on Unsplash)
This week I led two of my beautiful clients through a process of dismantling the need to ‘perform’ and into their feminine radiance. I decided to share their modus operandi with you today and shed some light on the coping mechanisms that kept the life they truly desired at arm´s length.
The belief that we need to ‘perform’ to gain connection, love, and a sense of fulfillment is a part of collective feminine wounding and it leads us to a life of loneliness, desperation, and emptiness.
When you perform, your whole life serves as a stage for creating a persona of a perfect (ideal) woman and then you secretly wait for that one person who can see right through this image and who can witness your true essence.
When it comes down to the energetics, the energy of ‘performance’ is a very forward leaning masculine energy which translated into words sounds like: “Look at what I can do for you. Look how capable I am to support you and provide for you.”
This energy suffocates our relationships when we, feminine essence beings, use it to overcompensate for the internalized feelings of shame, insecurity, or unworthiness. ‘Performing’ is basically trying too hard for experiences that should have been given to us freely when we were growing up, such as compassionate acceptance, presence, love, and understanding.
It is impossible to be in a ‘performance’ mode and not to have a secret agenda (usually based on our wounding = if I do xyz then I would get love/approval/appreciation), which shuts down our ability to authentically connect and it dims our feminine essence. Moreover, the energy of urgency, neediness, control, and manipulation repels our heart´s desires.
Let´s come back to my clients´ stories now. The first one had to take on the role of caretaker and ‘the strong one’ while growing up with an emotionally unstable mother and a father who was not in his empowered masculine. Her inner little girl needed to perform to make sure everyone (including her) was safe and taken care of in a very unstable world. She performed her way out of a very volatile environment while her true light/essence never got a chance to be accepted and loved unconditionally.
The second client grew up with a very demanding father (wounded masculine) who led her to feel like a burden and turned her inner masculine into a people-pleaser and coward without boundaries who was coddling the wants and needs of others while dismissing her own.
Both of my clients used ‘performing’ in their own unique ways to gain a sense of control in their relationships. However, this pattern was slowly suffocating their feminine heart – the true and only source of love, innate worthiness, safety, and security. By choosing to ‘perform’ they didn´t allow space for openness and vulnerability (the most attractive feminine qualities). An empowered masculine man (this also applies to the energy of divine masculine) does not want you to perform for him. Every time you ‘perform’ it will immediately repel him often without him knowing why (you are reversing the organic polarity).
As a feminine essence being your value/contribution doesn´t come from your ability to perform.
Your radiance and soul expression represent the heart of God in this world.
YOU RADIATING AND LIVING YOUR INNERMOST ESSENCE AND BEING FREE IN YOUR EXPRESSION OF JOY, LOVE, BEAUTY, AND OPENNESS IS GIVING TO THE WORLD.
Notice how performing throws you into shadowlands of trying too hard, controlling, and trying to “earn” love.
While forgetting that you are a source of love.
What does it do to your heart when you believe that your worth as a woman is tied to your ability to perform?
How do you approach relationships with the masculine and with people close to your heart when you see your contribution as based on your ability to perform for them?
How much space is there left to connect with your heart and to connect with their hearts?
Who do people become to you when you think they “want” something from you all the time?
How much space do you leave open for your feminine to breathe and for your heart to shine through?
In the same way, your children want nothing more than your undivided presence and loving compassionate connection…
… your inner child needs it as well…
… and for the masculine, your radiance and ability to connect with your own heart and with their hearts as well is the greatest gift.
This is exactly what my feminine has been looking for..someone to put everything I’ve been feeling into words.