The more I do the feminine embodiment work with women, the more I notice when a woman uses her masculine energy to shield herself. It is in her atmosphere, in her energetic signature. It seeps into the way she walks and talks. Other people and men won´t be able to tell what is going on, but they will feel the walls surrounding her (esp. her heart) and they won´t be able to perceive her innate light shining behind these walls.
I have a big heart and a ton of compassion for a woman who feels like she is a one-woman show – without the support and love and appreciation that she so deeply craves, hidden behind the walls that are keeping others at arm´s length desperately trying to prove that after all, she is worthy and enough for her heart´s desires. I was that woman once and I know how lonely this paradigm feels.
The thing is, masculine energy IS a shield. And men inherently know this. Empowered masculine men are instinctively called to protect, give, and provide. What often happens when a girl doesn´t experience the protective and supportive energy of her father (or caregiver) is that she unconsciously takes on his role and becomes the provider, problem-solver, and caretaker for people around her. This is what I call – leading with your masculine energy. And it comes with a cost.
It costs you your intuition, heartfelt connection with yourself and others, joy, creativity, and receiving anything from love to support and intimacy. By using our masculine energy to shield ourselves we take up and fill out space which would be naturally filled out by the external masculine energies who deeply desire is to step up and give. If this sounds unbelievable, it´s either because you haven´t experienced healthy empowered masculine energy or because you haven´t embodied the last missing piece that activates this dynamic – TRUST. And that IS what the inner work is about.
Leading with the wounded masculine energy manifests as perfectionism – trying to create a perfect persona so that we can be finally worthy of the love which our inner child craves so deeply (while being internally disconnected and feeling painful emptiness and longing/yearning), trying to implement the “right” strategies (in dating or career/business), trying to explain yourself often, or trying self-development tools to improve yourself. This “trying” energy is often codependency expressed as leaning forward and proving our worth which in the long run depolarizes our natural feminine magnetism and radiance.
When we dig a little deeper it is also avoidance and a fear of vulnerability and fear of being seen for who we truly are. If we don´t know how to access our heart (the source of feminine openness and receptivity) and speak our truth from there, the other option left is manipulation and control (shadow feminine).
Mothering mature adult beings, pulling people along, harboring resentment, and then punishing them with a silent treatment are all manifestations of trying to get our needs met in ways that are familiar to us. Manipulation and control, however, throw you off to the shadowlands of pain and suffering. They drain your emotions, energy, and vital life force. You are overworking yourself for experiences like love and connection that should be available to you naturally and organically just for being you.
I wish every woman knew how much happiness there is in leading with her feminine essence. Your energy is designed to be honored and spent on your heart´s desires. The feminine essence is a beacon of light. She represents the gentle power that arises from mastering one´s inner world and the devotion to and sustenance of the connection to one´s heart. Nothing left to prove, only a world to enjoy, beauty to admire, and relationships to be grateful for.
This world opens up for you when you start shifting the focus of your own masculine energy from external achievements to inner support and healing. Imagine a little girl being lost in a mall and trying to find her way back home and suddenly her dad appears, he swoops her onto his shoulders and takes her safely home. The feelings of relief, safety, and security are what allow us to heal the layers of pain that have formed around our heart and they also slowly but surely melt away the protective walls that kept empowered masculine energies at arm´s length.
To create a solid foundation for relationships that feel supportive, safe, nourishing, joyful, and exciting in a good way (not the excitement of the addictive highs-and-lows) we want to work with the mind-body-emotion system as a whole. We are integrating the masculine and feminine, the intellect and intuition.
That is why in my one-on-one program we work on three crucial areas:
#1 Feminine genius – I guide my clients towards cultivating a deeply intimate relationship with themselves and their heart where no part of them is off-limits, shamed, or labeled as negative. Accessing the ability to connect and understand the language of their body, emotions, and subconscious often feels “counterintuitive” or like they are growing a new muscle but it is inevitable if we want to dissolve the confusion and mental restlessness and help her discern a healthy relationship partner as fast as possible, so that those who are not a good fit don´t deplete her energy and so that she doesn´t waste her precious time on fantasy relationships.
#2 Masculine support – I use a specific set of mind-body practices that help my clients to regulate their nervous system, create an internal support system, and learn how it FEELS to be in a healthy relationship dynamic (sometimes for the first time in their life). They learn how to slow down their defense mechanisms while exploring and anchoring a new feeling of being the RECEIVER (which naturally and gently dissolves the performing and overgiving mode). This new mind-body connection translates into every area of their life from parenting to romantic relationships and relationships with their family members and for many of them leads to greater success and fulfillment in their career.
#3 Integration and expression – We allow the newfound sense of freedom and healthy relationship dynamics to inform their external support systems through tangible baby-step actions. My clients are allowed to “protect” the parts of them that were the driving force of the unhealthy behavior and they learn how to nourish them and their needs in a healthy way. Because they have learned to open up the communication between their subconscious (body and emotions) and conscious mind, they don´t need to look for invisible blocks or obstacles. They simply get to be themselves. Creating this level of self-trust rehabilitates their trust in the external masculine and life itself.
This is what I teach new clients in my 10-week Whole and Worthy program for emphatic ambitious women who want to find an empowered partner without overworking themselves or those who want to deepen the intimacy in their existing relationships and cultivate a sense of fulfillment and feminine genius in their career. The program consists of ten private 60-90 minute-long sessions and individual homework for deeper integration. My private program is a low four-figure investment and if it sounds like you are the right fit, you can sign up by filling out the application form.