Whenever someone makes us feel guilty for needing time to process our feelings, learn/create something new or if we feel ashamed of needing support we create an invisible shell that protects the parts of us that are hurting and we refuse to look at them. Then we call them our ego and think that we need to get rid of them.
If you feel like you need to defend yourself or constantly improve to reach an artificial standard, the cure is to go straight to the part of you that you think needs defending or improving. Why are you making this part wrong? Why are you being ashamed of it?
When you are caught up in a trigger or uncomfortable emotion the way out is not to pull yourself apart and start overthinking. When we´re spiraling into anxiety, it´s because we´re persuaded something is wrong and we need to fix it now. The combination of shame and guilt is reinforcing our emotions and keeping the unhealthy patterns locked in place.
The way out of the survival mode is giving voice to the parts of ourselves that we suppressed or thought were unacceptable. For instance, you might need more time to finish something or you need support… The question to ask yourself is “What do I make it mean?”. If you make it mean that you´re a failure and that you´ll never amount to anything, no wonder that the anxiety kicks in.
Making how you feel top priority over any “goal” or “achievement” allows you to live more effortlessly. What you want to do is create time and space inside yourself to bring all the parts of you on board. Shame and guilt are creating a split in your focus and energy, which in turn keeps your desires elusive.
To need time and support is human and it´s normal.