I have to warn you. This isn´t another story about a girl who meets the right guy, they fall in love, and live happily ever after.
Nevertheless, this is a roadmap to love.
It´s not for everyone, but it´s for anyone who´s still seeking the happily ever after.
It´s for those who chased after the guy only to experience how it feels to be rejected.
It´s for those who are stuck in the endless cycle of looking and waiting for the one special person who´ll finally choose them.
It´s for those waiting for love and happiness.
1. Your Worth Is Non-Negotiable
Let´s start with the basics.
In case no one told you, your worth is inherent and it doesn´t depend on the opinions of others, neither on your marital status or salary.
Building the foundation of your self-worth on someone else´s validation is a highway to hell. Mental and emotional hell.
Unfortunately, in the society as we know it today, you won´t meet people, who remind you of how worthy you are, around every corner. You might meet some, but I´m afraid you´ll meet more of those who´ll tell you that to prove your value you need to hustle.
And I want to let you know that you don´t.
Your self-worth and self-appreciation is something that is given and built from the inside out. When you value yourself, you go in the direction of your dreams. However, you don´t do it to prove your value. You do it because you want to and because it fulfills you.
No matter what happens or what kind of situations I find myself in, I never let anyone persuade me that my worth needs to be deserved or that it depends on my life circumstance.
2. The Next Time You Find Yourself Trying to Make Someone Choose You or Fall in Love with You — Try This: Don´t!
Ok, so this one is huuuge… By huge I mean monumental.
You´ll have to take my word for it before you see for yourself.
Owning your power and being selective about where you put your attention and effort is the secret key that has the power to change your life.
So, how do you do it?
The first step is awareness.
You know the times when you dress up a little nicer, you laugh a little harder or add more pep into your step to grab someone´s attention? Well, from now on… do not do it! I repeat it one more time for the sake of clarity — by all means when you catch yourself right in the middle of trying to impress someone else, stop doing it. Just stop!
Put on something comfortable that makes you feel good. Laugh only if you find the joke funny and walk like a grounded human being who knows their value.
And don´t beat yourself up, if you, at first, stumble a couple of times. You won´t unlearn instantly something you´ve been used to doing all your life. Always give yourself grace. You´re doing great.
I´m thrilled to have you here.
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3. It´s Time to Give the Baggage Back
Sooner or later there comes a point in everyone´s life when they realize that the baggage they´ve been carrying around is not theirs in the first place. I hope that you´ll realize it sooner than later.
People need to be ready to let go of their own baggage, but you can give them their baggage back anytime.
If you feel tired, depleted, depressed, or exhausted by life, observe it carefully and if you notice that you´ve been carrying around other people´s problems or broken hearts, give them back.
We all have lessons to learn and we can´t learn them on anyone else´s behalf.
Love doesn´t always look like a “yes”. And one well-intended “no” can save a life.
4. Stop Holding onto What´s No Longer Serving You
I´ll be honest with you. Once you start raising your standards, you´ll have to get used to solitude. Not forever. But for some time absolutely.
When the old starts to fall away (i.e. when you start saying “no” to people who are using you without giving anything in return) you´ll have more space in your life and also more time. Use this time wisely. Spend it on what brings you joy.
If you´ve been giving and then giving some more without being supported back, you´re running on empty and it´s time to fill your tank. Think of the activities that´ll make you feel good and then go and do them. If you have to, do them alone. I even encourage you to challenge yourself and try spending some time by yourself.
It helped me to know myself and my needs better, so the next time I was around someone else, I knew who I was and what I wanted.
5. Raise Your Self-Worth and Your Life Will Meet You There
You can not persuade life to give you more than what you think you deserve. Period.
Our life´s always mirroring back what we think to be true about ourselves. If you think you need to lower your standards to get what you want, you as well might. If you think that you´ll never amount to anything, your life will show you why you´re right.
All change truly starts within. I had to learn to cultivate what I wanted to become true in my life.
You let others know how you want to be treated by the way you treat yourself. It really is that simple. You set the example and those who are meant to stick around will follow.
6. There´s Only so Much Time and Energy You Have and Can Give. Choose Wisely.
Clarity has recently become one of my favorite words. Don´t you love the feeling of finally becoming clear on what you want after months of struggle and mental confusion?
Thinking of clarity, the scene from “The Holiday” movie, where Iris finally shuts the door on Jasper and walks towards a brighter future, usually comes to my mind.
If you´ve seen the movie, do you remember how Iris felt when she´d realized that she was worth so much more? That´s the feeling you´ll become addicted to once you start applying these steps in your life.
Some of you know that your time and energy are valuable, while others have to reach the “enough is enough moment”. For the longest time, I fell into the latter category. But no matter how long it takes you to get there, you´ll know once you´ve reached a new level of clarity because you won´t give a sh*t anymore.
You become the heroine of your life and there´s no going back.
As Lalah Delia says so beautifully,
She remembered who she was and the game changed.
I would add,
She remembered who she was and the game was over.
When you know your worth, you´re not playing games anymore. Clarity is all that´s left.
The journey to self-love is by all means not an easy one. You´ll stumble and fall and you´ll probably need someone who´s walked it before to support you and show you the way when you get lost or become scared. But if I should leave you with one last thing, then it´s this: Keep going!
Your freedom is worth it. The life you´re creating for yourself and people who´ll appreciate you is worth it. And most importantly, you are worth it!
(Pssst! If you´d like to work with me let me know ❤️)