Every person living on this planet has at some point in time, usually in their childhood, experienced a stressful or traumatic event that caused them to suppress a part of themselves, which they thought was not appropriate to express. When you didn´t know how to deal with the stressful event itself and you were at the same time afraid of the emotions that arose within you in that particular situation, you suppressed the emotion together with the unwanted part of your Self. What once were uncomfortable feelings became subconscious parts of you that weren´t given the space to exist. However, what you resist persists, therefore, what is once suppressed has to pop up, someplace else, so we are given an opportunity to reintegrate it and become whole again.
I always remind you that you create your own reality. The truth is that all of you creates your reality. That means that not only your conscious beliefs but your subconscious mind as well. To integrate the parts of you, which have been repressed, is to create from one point of focus again. Becoming aware of the subconscious patterns and the feelings related to them helps us to create consciously instead of feeling hopeless, because of the subconscious beliefs sabotaging us. So let´s look together at the process of integrating the parts of ourselves that have been overlooked and left out.
Allowing your feelings to exist
The first step to inner freedom and peace is making a practice out of connecting to yourself and your feelings. By judging our feelings as good or bad, as desirable and undesirable we suppress the so-called “bad” emotions and we beat ourselves up in the moments when we are not experiencing “good” emotions even though we think we “should” be experiencing them. Emotions are an indicator of your connection to your Self. I mentioned before that anger as of itself is not bad, neither is grief or sadness. They only indicate that the perspective of you and your Source are different. Emotions are great tools for keeping us whole – for keeping us connected to our heart.
For example, anger may be an indicator that you are constantly abandoning yourself by saying YES when you want to say NO. You don´t want to set boundaries, because you think it would make you into a “selfish” person, so you prefer to secretly resent others and you suppress the angry part of you. Moreover, you think you shouldn´t be angry when in fact your anger is only signaling that you are not in alignment with your true Self and that you are constantly fulfilling the needs and wants of others at the expense of your own needs and wants. The most important relationship is the one that you have with your Self. Other relationships are just a further reflection of this one. When you abuse yourself by ignoring what your soul and body want and need, other people won´t respect your boundaries and will abandon you as well until you decide to look at and integrate the cause of this projection.
Feelings are pathways
Feelings can lead you in the present moment to the past situation where you felt them for the first time. They are a tool that can help you to integrate the part of your Self, which you suppressed for different reasons. One of the main reasons is that you thought it was not appropriate to feel the way you felt back then. For instance, meditation is a great tool for reconnecting with your feelings. Instead of trying to suppress your feelings even more and getting rid of your thoughts, close your eyes and when an uncomfortable feeling arises ask yourself: When was the first time I felt this emotion? Your mind can show you either an image, a sensation, a smell or it can leave you with an intensified original feeling itself. Your task is to sit with yourself as long as you need to without judging the feeling.
Allow yourself to experience the feeling and even though it is going to be uncomfortable, in order to move through it and free the suppressed part of your Self, you need to feel it completely and fully, so you will be able to see that you will survive feeling it again. If you suffered serious abuse or trauma, it is always better to go through this process with someone you trust, either a therapist or a healer. When you see the traumatic event in your mind´s eye or when you sense how you felt in the moment of experiencing it, you can visualize a scenario that will allow you to take your power back. For example, if you went back to a situation in your childhood where your parent wasn´t paying attention to you, you can imagine the adult you soothing your childhood self and giving you all the attention you needed, or you could tell your parent to pay attention to you in that particular situation – do whatever feels best to you in that moment.
You are not broken
Even though we literally disowned parts of our Self, we are still perfect and lovable just as we are right now. This practice is not something that should be seen as a step to becoming perfect or something that should be done, so we can be, finally, fixed. “Fixing” ourselves was what led us into this situation in the first place. The process of reconnecting with your suppressed feelings is a way and a daily practice to loving yourself more and to becoming your best friend. The more you know yourself, the more consciously you are able to create your life. Every uncomfortable situation is allowing you to love and forgive yourself more and more every day.
Loving yourself doesn´t mean loving only the convenient parts and improving the rest. It means understanding all of you and by listening to your inner wisdom bringing together all the overlooked parts of your Self. You are the creator of your life. You are a part of God with a powerful desire to create. Your feelings are the most powerful tools you can use in the creation process, they don´t deserve to be refused or ignored. They are your greatest and most powerful gift because they are showing you the way home to your Self again and again, no matter how many times you refuse to listen.
Do whatever it takes to support yourself now
Healing consists of shining the light of your consciousness on whatever was buried in the darkness of unconsciousness or in other words – in a lack of consciousness, because of the initial fear. At first, in order to transcend a feeling and a related pattern of thought it is more than enough to become aware that it exists. The uncomfortable feeling shows you that something in your inner space is acting against your Self. It can be the thoughts you think, the words you speak or the actions you take. If we come back to the example from the previous exercise when you were lacking the attention of your parent, your task now is to think, speak and do everything in your power to make yourself feel heard and supported. For instance, if your friend asks you to do something, but you don´t feel like doing it you will have to learn to say NO. If you feel like you want to be complimented then you compliment yourself (it is enough to do it mentally, but you can also write it down or state it out loud). If you want to have a certain type of experience, you provide it for yourself or ask someone you trust to help you fulfill your needs.
At first, it will be difficult. You will feel like the most selfish person in the world when you say NO to your friend. And when you will compliment yourself, it will seem like the most ridiculous thing you have ever done. However, I have to tell you that, if you want to become who you truly are, this practice is not an option. Every time you say YES when you mean NO, you only reinforce the traumatic experience from your childhood and it becomes part of who you currently are. You need to start telling a new story and to heal the old one. You deserve to be happy like everyone else, you deserve to create a beautiful life for yourself and you are no less worthy than the people you tried to please.