For years I equated being kind with respecting everyone else´s feelings and not making them feel uncomfortable. I got trapped in a mental loop, where I sorted through my thoughts, words and actions in order not to hurt anyone, but on the other side, I was blind to the fact that sometimes it meant holding back my whole truth, not expressing myself in a way I wanted to or dumbing myself down, so others won´t feel uncomfortable in my presence. Until it got to the point where I unconsciously started to suppress my inner voice, because I was afraid that my words or actions might offend someone. If you are struggling with the same issue, I wrote this post in hope that it will liberate you – liberate you to be you. Here is what I know now that I didn´t know then.
I am a human being with feelings too
Or in other words, before you try to save the world, you need to save yourself first. You deserve to be happy in the same way you wanted someone else to be happy. You deserve to be taken care of and it is going to be you who will have to learn to take care of yourself. People will always follow your example and they will treat you according to how you treat yourself. If you let them treat you unfairly, it is almost always because you feel unworthy. It has to be you who will say “no” and exactly when you want to say it. It will be you who will have to learn to treat yourself with respect and kindness. It will be you who will have to learn to support yourself. All of this is true, because no one will ever know you better than you know your Self. Your feelings are yours to feel and your intuition is yours to follow. You have to learn to love the space of your body, which you inhabit here, and to respect your mind for all its abilities. You need to set your standards as high as they need to be in order to reflect who you truly are.
You become whole only by embracing all of you
Give yourself the freedom of never judging yourself for your feelings. They are here to show you what you are not able to see with your physical eyes or even in your mind´s eye, yet. For instance, anger is not good or bad. Anger may come to remind you that you were giving up your mental or physical space, your needs and your feelings in order to please others, but at the expense of your own peace and your own freedom. And now anger serves as a mechanism that your mind and body use to protect themselves and to establish healthy boundaries. Constantly saying “yes” when all you want to say is “no” is going to be reflected back to you in form of anger, because you needed to be reminded that you forgot to take care of yourself first and foremost.
When you are experiencing uncomfortable feelings, the last thing you need to do is to beat yourself up for the way you feel. If you suppress something, it will show up later, however, this time it will be more powerful than ever before. Instead, realize that you have every right to feel all your feelings and wishing them away or suppressing them is not going to heal what needs to be healed. Give yourself time to feel them, process them and most importantly, allow them to show you what you haven´t been able to see, before they gave you a signal that your thoughts, words and actions are not in alignment. Ask your inner wisdom to reveal to you people and situations where you deceived your Self and your integrity. Practice reclaiming your mental and physical space and your time, as well. Remind yourself daily that your own well-being is your priority and that you were given one life to take care of first and foremost – your own one.
It will be your love that will liberate you in the end
You can´t love others more than you love yourself, because if you do, you will always hold them hostage to your love. You will need them in order to feel love and suddenly, your love will become an attachment. You carried the gift of love within your heart all along and when you love yourself – that means when you love the part of the universe that you were given to take care of – only then you will be able to love others without conditions, because you won´t try to find your love in them. It doesn´t mean that you won´t enjoy their company. It only means that you won´t need it in order to feel whole and that is the greatest kind of freedom you can give yourself and others, as well.
Love liberates and the right people will always stay.