One of the main sources of unhappiness in our lives is the belief that we are supposed to take responsibility for more than our own life. It didn´t occur to us that we probably weren´t meant to be everything to everyone and that if we stayed in our own business – that means in our own life – it would keep us busy for the rest of our days, here, on the Earth.
When you are suffering, hurting or being confused how could it possibly help anyone? The thought I should help everyone else first and then I can think about myself is the reversal of clear thinking. Every time you help someone without taking care of your own suffering or without taking into consideration whether you truly want to do it or not, you are sooner or later going to blame them for your inner state of being.
You will say: See how much I am suffering? But I am going to do it anyways, because I am supposed to help you and you are for sure expecting it from me! … My darling friend, this is not love. It is your own fearful neediness expressed in action. You sincerely believe that if you don´t help them, you won´t be a good human being anymore and that they won´t love you and your life won´t matter.
However, until YOU love and support yourself completely and in everything, you won´t be capable of giving a sincere gift to anyone. You will always want something in return – either a word of thanks, appreciation or acknowledgment. This is, for instance, how we behave with our children. You give them “your best years” and then when they don´t come for a visit, your whole world falls apart. However, who was responsible for giving them their best years? If the answer isn´t obvious, I will tell you that it was YOU, because I wish for you only ultimate freedom and unconditional happiness and so do your kids, spouse and friends. Therefore, every time they don´t behave according to your expectations, they give YOU a perfect opportunity to be there for your Self. Are you willing to see it? You can give only when you are full of your Self, full of love for your Self. Then and only then, you won´t expect anything in return and you – your love for who you are – is then a gift to this world.
If you want to be of real service, your first and the most important mission is to make yourself happy. As selfish as it might seem to you now, it is the only way out of suffering we have created in this world. What I realized for myslef is that since we didn´t have to do anything to be given this life and since a loving intelligence, which created this and many other solar systems thought it would be a good idea to create someone like me and you, we are already good enough, worthy enough and whole enough. Moreover, this loving force gifted us with feelings, so we would know when we think, speak and act in alignment with our true nature.
Every time, I am not in alignment with the truth of who I am, I feel sad, lonely, miserable and eventually depressed. Every time, we think we know what someone else should or shouldn´t do, we are mentally leaving our own lives and we start living theirs and that is why we feel so lonely all the time. We embark on this impromptu trips to someone else´s life and we leave our own lives without anyone who would take care of them. One day it eventually dawned on me and I was shocked I wasn´t able to see it before, even though it was so obvious: how arrogant of me to think I know what someone else should or shouldn´t, need or don´t need to do! How could I possibly know? I don´t see into their life path, I don´t know whether what they are going through will be useful for them or not… I can only know this for myself and even there I can sometimes get confused, especially when I am not present in my life all the time, because I am in someone else´s life.
To gain some perspective, what I have just mentioned does not mean not to tell your truth, if you think someone hurts you, lies to you or limits you in any way. But in order to speak your truth, you need to know that you are lovable, worthy and enough and you don´t deserve anything less than what is within your own beautiful heart. In order to know this, you have to know your Self first and foremost, and that is why you have to leave everyone else´s live for them and come home – to your own heart.
When you fall in love with yourself nothing is too good to be true and nothing is too wonderful to happen. And if it happens, you know you deserve it just by being you. The greatest paradox is that once we focus on what brings us joy, we are going to bring joy to everyone whom we meet. Eventually, we don´t have to care about that either, because this divinely orchestrated universe is going to bring everyone who you are supposed to meet to you and you will never have to force anything that is meant to be. The power of your heart is going to attract to you everything that is yours. Your only work for now is to realize every second of every day whether you are in alignment with the truth of your heart. If you feel happy, joyful, content and in love with yourself and life, you are.