I thought I had this relationship with myself figured out and I didn´t see how I could possibly accept myself more. But then something didn´t go the way I expected and all of a sudden I found out that my head was full of thoughts like Life is not working out for me, Universe is testing me, God wants me to sacrifice for it, so I can prove I am worthy. I allowed these thoughts to pass and right beneath them was another layer of beliefs that supported the previous ones: I am not trying hard enough, I am going to ruin my life again, I do not deserve anything good, I should be better/smarter/more this and less that… How could I possibly love myself and think those beliefs to be true? How could I love someone who was trying to ruin my life and who I thought wasn´t even smart enough? And, now, when I see what I held against myself, how can I let it go?
You will find without what you didn´t dare to see within
Your life is a mirror of beliefs that you hold true for yourself. The relationships and circumstances in your life are going to show you what you think about yourself. And the relationship you have with your Self is the relationship you will project onto God of your understanding or the force that created you. If you believe you are not good enough or not worthy, you will believe in God who needs your effort and hard work in order to declare you valuable. If you don´t like your Self now, you will believe in God who will love you but only after you achieve something more and only after you are more successful. If you don´t think you are lovable, you will believe in God who is going to surround you with misery and with people who don´t appreciate you. Now, this one thing is worth repeating: The way you see yourself, is the way you will see everything and everyone in your life. Your life is a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Let´s exchange the word God in the previous sentences for the word life and you will see that if you believe that you are not good enough, life will need a lot of hard work and effort from you, in order to work out. If you don´t like yourself the way you are now, life will need a lot of improvement and achievements from you before it can provide you with something good. If you don´t think you are lovable, you will find yourself in situations and with people who don´t love you either and they will only validate your lack of love for your Self.
In this world we can´t escape our beliefs, however:
“Beliefs are just thoughts that you keep thinking.” Abraham Hicks
So, don´t be frustrated. This really is good news. Since your life is a projection of your thoughts and not yet an extension of love, you are able to change it. Or to be more precise, it will start changing the moment you question what you were thinking and believing. There are many ways of working with your beliefs and one of the most efficient I know about is The Work of Byron Katie. Nevertheless, now I would like to focus on one relationship in particular and that is the relationship we have with our Selves.
I believe that how you treat yourself is how you are going to treat others and how you see yourself is how you are going to see us. If you don´t know where to start or how to truly accept and love yourself, your desire to know and love yourself more is what is enough. Be willing to see and love is going to rush into your mind and into your heart and it will show you every example and every situation that you used as a punishment, because you didn´t feel worthy or good enough. Just close your eyes and ask this question: Where am I not loving myself? I want to see every situation and every person in my mind´s eye that were the effect of me not loving myself. Then allow your mind to bring you the evidence. Do not judge anything that comes to your mind, be still and witness your life as you have created it. This process can be painful, but when you are courageous to see and re-own the feelings and thoughts that you were unconscious of, you are walking toward a life full of love.
Why is life always working out for you?
When you start loving yourself, you start to see that life IS always working out for you. If you really love yourself life has to be working out for you. Why would it not? Once you are the cause and not the effect of your beliefs, you see how everything is being revealed to you at exactly the right moment and every interaction is here for you to know your Self better. You don´t need lessons, you don´t need to be punished and you don´t need to effort in order to love who you are. When you accept your Self, your life will be unfolding with ease as a creation of love. You don´t need to fight against your own illusions and you don´t need to do anything in order to improve yourself. Your thoughts, words and actions are a love letter to your Self. Thus, your life is your loving, joyful creation. When you love your Self, you believe in a loving God. And when you believe in a loving God, your life has to be an extension of love. When you truly love someone, you don´t want anything but the very best for them, so what is it that you want for yourself now? And if you still believe that you can´t have what you want, why is it so?
Put aside all the concepts of trying hard for a while. We are used to associating our worth with too many things, but one belief is so ancient we don´t even bother questioning it. This is the belief that our worth is based on what we DO in the world. I witness that this belief in the more I do the more I am worth is sucking the life right out of us. I wrote more about the concept of You are enough here, however, I want you to know that you ARE enough and perfect and a gift of God without having to lift a finger. And as long as you are going to link your value to your busyness, you are going to suffer. When a mind is connected to the heart, action serves as an extension of your Self and the extension of love. It is not supposed to be a punishment for our unworthiness. I encourage you to grab a pen and a paper and write down a couple of good feeling thoughts or thoughts that you know are true to your heart, such as I accept and love myself, I deserve all that is good to be in my life, I am supported and loved, I am worthy of all that my heart desires. At first, choose one thought and start writing it down again and again and observe what happens in your mind as you are writing that thought down. Maybe you were writing down I love and accept myself, but in your mind a thought popped up that went along the lines: Yeah, of course I would, if I was not too fat. You are writing down I deserve a beautiful and loving relationship and a thought …but nobody is going to like the real me, shows up. The thoughts that are there to persuade you that you are not lovable, those are the thoughts you have to sit down with and ask you heart, whether they are really true.
The journey to loving your Self more and more every day is now opened to you. The only thing necessary is your conscious decision that you want to know your Self better. The only tool you are going to need is your own heart. The love in your heart is going to guide you gently to people, circumstances, books and teachers, or it will give you the courage to walk away from people, circumstances, books and teachers. Whether you embark on the journey or not, keep this one thing in mind – the highest authority always lies within you. Nothing and no one can tell you how to live your life, because they are only your own beliefs talking back to you and when you don´t feel at ease with what you hear, you have the power to ask your inner wisdom to give you a truer answer. Free yourself and the whole world is freed with you. Love your Self and the world is going to be lit up by your love. You can´t be more worthy or deserving than you are right now.
Let your life be a love-song to your Self,