In the old paradigm we sought relationships to get something from other people, to reach a sense of security and to distract ourselves from our solitude. We got married because it was convenient and we fell in love because the other person made us feel whole. We were persuaded that we needed that person in our life and we were using our relationships with other people to make ourselves feel better. However, this old paradigm is not working and it won´t work anymore. We are all wondering how comes that other people drive us crazy and there is no button left that your “better half” haven´t pushed, yet. Nevertheless, there is another way of relating to other people. This way requires us to leave the old paradigm behind and to relate to others as we truly are. Our hearts will guide us on the path of revelation right to the truth of who we are. So, let the journey begin.
“You will believe that others do to you, exactly what you think you did to them.” (ACIM)
Our mind is so powerful that it can project a whole world from one thought. In fact, the function of your mind is to bring you the evidence of your belief system. For instance, if you believe that you are not worthy enough, your mind is going to prove it to you time and time again. If you believe that you don´t deserve a happy relationship and that there has to be something wrong with you, your mind is again going to prove your point. The trick of the mind is that it is never going to tell you – You know what? Because you don´t feel good about yourself, you are going to think that your boss is not satisfied with your work. And also that guy you are dating is never going to value your company, because you obviously don´t value your company either. No, this is not how the mind operates. The mind is trained to bring you the evidence of what you are thinking silently by projecting it outside of yourself. That is why it is being said that the outer world reflects your inner state.
In the new paradigm we have to give up the victimhood. If you want to be free in your relationships you will have to see yourself clearly and you will have to take ownership of the beliefs that you have been projecting onto the others. You know that you are projecting thoughts that are not in alignment with who you really are by paying attention to your feelings. Every feeling of unease, fear and anxiety is you superimposing your fearful thoughts onto the world you see. Your true nature is love, goodness and joy. If you extend to others anything less than that and it doesn´t matter whether it is through thoughts, words or actions, you won´t feel good, because you are acting against your own true nature. Therefore, I invite you to question your stressful thoughts and realize for yourself who you would be in your relationships without the fearful concepts you believe.
Setting the boundaries
When you know who you are, you don´t have to be afraid about not being able to set boundaries. In fact, when you are acting from your true nature, you don´t even have to think about setting boundaries. Once you realize that you have your own internal wisdom your YES or NO will come from an authentic place. You will be no longer setting boundaries out of fear, but your responses to people and situations will come naturally from the knowing of who you are. There is a simple way of knowing what is not right for you to do and that is by being aware of your inner state when you are feeling miserable. Every time you say YES to something while you actually want to say NO, you cheat on your Self. And the opposite is true as well. Saying NO to something you want to say YES to, is a direct path to internal turmoil and suffering.
Loving relationship with yourself and the life force is the foundation on which your other relationships are built. You are a creator. You have the power to create every relationship you are in and it depends on you whether you create a true reflection of who you are or a projection of your fears. When you love yourself unconditionally, every NO to somebody else is a YES to the truth of your being. I call that integrity. Eventually, you will realize that every time you extend love to someone else you enrich yourself and every action of not extending love is going to cost you your inner peace. However, love sometimes responds with a YES and other times with a NO. The only place you can find your answer is in your heart. If you love somebody, they deserve nothing less than your whole truth – your whole heart – and that applies to your Self as well as to the others. Love is not weak. Love is the most powerful substance, creating the world as we know it. Learning to say NO that is coming from a place of love will empower you and liberate you to be who you are.
One of my favorite realizations is that you can never get miserable enough to help someone else in their misery. The only thing you can do to help others is to be at your best and from that place live an example of what it means to be, who you truly are. If you have kids you know that they don´t learn from your words, but that it is your example that teaches them. When you want to help others, you have to keep this one thing in mind – everyone has their own connection to life force. To empower someone, it is enough to see them as beings connected to never-ending source of energy, life and love and to believe in their well-being.
Your function is to live YOUR life according to the truth and the wisdom that is given to YOU and at the same time others are being guided by the same Source, whether they realize it or not.