If there was one thing I could give you, it would be an understanding that looking for love outside of yourself is hopeless. No matter how many times you are going to try to find it there, no matter what your aunt or your friend told you, love is not in that one special person. Or any other person. And the sooner you make peace with it, the sooner you can start loving yourself. I don´t want you to suffer for longer than I had suffered, before the truth finally dawned on me. Every time you try to manipulate, force or trick someone into liking you, it is only because you don´t love yourself enough to stop such a detrimental behavior. Not loving and not accepting yourself is painful and this pain is affecting every area of your life. You can´t be really content with anything you do, if you do not value the person who achieved it. So no matter how much you weigh, no matter what kind of clothes you wear and no matter how many dates you have been on, nothing, NOTHING, can fill the hole caused by not allowing the love of the Creator flow to you and through you, because you either think you do not deserve it or you don´t know how to fall in love with yourself.
The thing is that the relationships in your life are going to mirror the different aspects of the relationship you have with your Self. Every man who didn´t call you back while you have been waiting for his call all day long – he was there to teach you how to love yourself. And the one to whom you wrote a ten-sentence message and he didn´t reply – yes, that one was a gift from God, even though you are not ready to admit it, yet. And the classmate who didn´t ask you out eight years ago and you cried every single night for three weeks after that – he was an angel in disguise. I know it may sound harsh but every time someone refused you, ignored you, didn´t appreciate you or hurt you, he gave you the greatest gift of all, he directed you back to the source of all love that you have ever needed and that you will ever need – to your own precious, huge, stunning heart. You better hurry up and thank them all, even if only in your mind, because without them, you would still think that it was possible to find love someplace else and that would be such a waste of time. You can finally stop searching for something that you already have. For something that you already are. Girl, you are beautiful and whole right this second and you don´t need to hear it from someone else. You don´t need another person´s approval of you. You have always had the approval within you and you can´t do anything to cancel it. And by anything I mean A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. You can only accept it now or later, but postponing it is only going to prolong the suffering. How do I know? Because I have done it myself, over and over and over again, until the pain of denying what has always been mine, became unbearable.
And I have also learned that this is exactly how it works. Life/God always gives you everything you need. Maybe not everything you think you should have, but definitely everything you need to become who your heart calls you to be. If you want love, you have to first learn how to be love. If you want to have an amazing partner, you have to first learn how to be one, because life isn´t going to give something that isn´t a match to who you are, right now. There is nothing and no one who can substitute your relationship with yourself and with the God of your understanding. I believe that love is the presence that sustains our bodies, this universe and that provides us with every breath even though we sometimes take it for granted. When you fall in love with someone you just let this all-permeating love flow through you and you use the person as the object of your attention. The same way you gave yourself a permission to love them, you can withdraw your love at any moment if they don´t meet your expectations. On the other hand, when someone appreciates you, you allow yourself to feel the same love and when they withdraw their attention from you, you start blocking the love that you once allowed yourself to feel. In both cases YOU are the source of love and it was YOUR decision to embrace it or not. No one has the power to give or take love from you. Love is who you are and as long as you are connected to the source of love within you, you have the power to flow it towards everyone and anyone you meet, but most importantly, you get to experience it and live in it.
In order to stop betraying yourself you must marry your own heart and this relationship has to be placed above anything else. This is the most loving thing you can possibly do for the world and for yourself. When you are aligned with the wisdom of your heart, you don´t have to figure out your boundaries and your standards, because you can no longer approve or tolerate anything that doesn´t represent who you are. Every NO to someone else is simply a YES to your heart. You are no longer afraid of disappointing anyone and you don´t need a validation, because you already know who you are, because you took time to build a relationship with yourself. And you would be surprised by the depth of love you are going to have for the people you expect nothing from. Never ever believe that you deserve to be treated badly or that you have to betray yourself in order to attract or keep someone. The right person, the one who is going to see you for who you really are, will know you and will know your heart because God will tell him about it. You won´t have to explain yourself. All you will have to do is to be who you are in all your glory and grace. Trust your heart and always remember that nothing is too good to be true, but everything happens when you are ready and the time is ripe.
So, baby, go and love yourself,
I would love to hear about the ways YOU are learning to love yourself! What does it mean to you? What have you learned so far?